What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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