What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
