i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
