Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize