I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
