Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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