She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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