This is not my ceiling
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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