i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
