Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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