think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
