Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
