Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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