I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I believe in your delicious
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
