We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
