It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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