things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize