Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
