Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
