I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
