We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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