just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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