Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
time to smoke my breakfast
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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