I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
