Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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