There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
