i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
