So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
