Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
