At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
