You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
