I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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