Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
