how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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