I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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