So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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