If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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