it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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