her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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