My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
