went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
