I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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