bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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