So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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