He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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