just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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