Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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