If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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