Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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