Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
