I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
