I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
