Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
