her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
