Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
