According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
