What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
