Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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