Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
