She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
