I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
