you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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