Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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