I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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