Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
