Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
