wat bout pragnant strippers??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
