K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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