Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
