I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
