I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
