My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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