Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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