Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
