Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
