Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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