That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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