Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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